


Far Too Damaged

by TheNovelistHobbyist



Series: Heathers AU [1]
Category: Heathers (1988), Heathers: The Musical - Murphy & O'Keefe
Genre: AU (kind of), Alternate Ending, F/M, JD is a little more sympathetic, Veronica is a little bit darker, mixture of musical and movie, slight changes to scenes throughout the story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-17
Updated: 2019-01-17
Packaged: 2019-10-11 17:37:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 14
Words: 16,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17451389
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheNovelistHobbyist/pseuds/TheNovelistHobbyist
Summary: Veronica, somehow, ends up in JD`s bedroom after that horrible party. From there things just sort of spiral out of control. Three dead classmates later, the two of them are at odds about what to do next. She knows that she loves him, but she also knows that what they have done is unforgivable.





	1. Dead Girl Walking

**Author's Note:**

> There`s a sex scene in this. This is the only chapter with one, and it`s pretty short and (obviously) you don't need it to understand the rest so just skip it if you're not about that.

Chapter 1

Veronica knew two things for certain. First, that Heather Chandler was never going to allow her to live this down. Second, that she had just lost any chance of a ride home from this party.  Not just because there was no way she could leave with Heather after throwing up her bright red pumps and telling her to go to hell, but because no one with a sense of self-preservation could drive her home and then face the Heathers at school. Maybe she could call her parents?  They would definitely come to get her. They were very much the “no matter what’s going on we want to help” type of parents. Then again, why risk getting in serious trouble at home when you know that the rest of high school will cause you serious trouble? No. She was not going to call her parents.

Standing on the sidewalk outside the party the air felt cold on her bare shoulders. Veronica stifled a shiver. The dress she wore had seemed plenty warm enough when she was indoors, but now she wished she had a sweater. Her house was on the opposite side of town, she`d never make it in this weather. Not that it was unusually cold for Ohio in spring, but once the sun was down it was colder than Veronica cared for. The walk was even more daunting while her head was still spinning from booze and fear. She decided to walk until she found a better alternative, at least then she`d be farther from Heather Chandler.

She felt grateful that the sidewalk was fairly smooth, twisting an ankle while walking in an unfamiliar part of town was not the best way for her night to end. Then again, there probably wasn’t a good way for her night to end.

_“At least I was the only one with her. If Heather Duke had personally witnessed by humiliation she would use it against me forever.”_

She couldn’t stand Heather Duke. She knew that she and all three of the Heathers were “friends” and that none of them had really done anything to hurt her. Still, something about Heather Duke felt worse than the other two combined. Heather Chandler was a cookie cutter Queen Bee, she was pretty and rich and used it to be a bitch. That was easy to accept, as much as it sucked. Heather McNamara was her quiet minion, she would have followed in the wake of any clique that had snatched her up but she just so happened to be wealthy, pretty, and cheer captain, so of course Chandler sunk her claws in fast. Heather Duke wanted more than anything to be popular, she got a boob job, flaunted her money, used her position as yearbook captain for social gain. Which made sense to a certain degree, everybody wanted to be popular. What was too much for Veronica was the fact that she was slammed by Heather Chandler every single day and yet she still did the same thing to other people. She should know better.

_“Look at me, all lost in thought when I should be watching where I`m going. Classic Veronica.”_

The more she walked, the more her heels dug into her feet, and the more she started to feel rage building up in her chest. A part of her, the drunk teenager girl part, wanted to sit down on the sidewalk and sob in defeat. As she considered giving up she noticed something out of place. Sitting in front of one of the cookie cutter houses of conservative Sherwood Ohio was a motorcycle. A big shiny black motorcycle. She was fairly sure that the bike belonged to one Jason Dean. Who else in this town owned a bike like that? To Veronica`s knowledge the answer was none. Out of pure curiosity, and maybe a little bit because she liked to be sure she was right, she read the tag on their mailbox.

_“ ’The Deans.’ Perfect.”_

She wasn’t sure why she felt as excited as she did. It`s not like she knew him, they had only spoken twice. It would be crazy to knock on the door. What would stop his father from calling her parents to tell them she was drunk? That kind of thing was pretty common in this town. The adults tended to form loose and secret spy networks living vicariously through teenaged gossip. She stood on the sidewalk and eyed the house a little longer when she saw it, light coming out of the second story window on the side of the house. She stepped closer and noticed that the window was slightly ajar. Coming from the crack were the faint sounds of rock music.

_“Well, that’s definitely not his father`s room...”_

Then the only thing Veronica could think about was the way he had looked at her earlier that night. Like he wanted to reach out and touch her or press her up against the slushie machine and kiss her. She felt like she needed that, to be desired, right now. JD might be the only person her age in town who wanted anything to do with her after tonight. That is, if she was right. Otherwise she might find herself being accused of breaking and entering. The drunk part of her told her not to think about it, and before the part of her that was still Veronica the straight A student could think of more worst case scenarios she was climbing the trellis below his window.

Veronica had never climbed a trellis before. The last time she had even climbed a ladder was back in elementary school when monkey bars were still a regular part of her life. She was not even close to prepared for how hard it would be. Part of it was caused by the alcohol, the other by her stupid expensive heels. She was pretty sure she would fall backwards and break her legs right up until the moment she was at the window.

To her absolute relief it was clearly the room of a teenaged boy. Through the window she could clearly make out movie posters on the wall and an unmade bed. A nightstand on the other side of the bed displayed the glowing face of a radio. In one corner there was a large desk, half hidden by a stack of boxes. JD was nowhere to be seen. Throwing caution to the wind she slipped her hand into the opening and pushed the window open. She pulled her chest through, and then slid in. It would have been nice to step in, as if she knew how to climb through a window in the middle of the night, but it sounded like an easy way to fall to her death. She ended up sprawled face down on the cutest guy in school`s carpet. It wasn’t a graceful entrance, but she could have done worse.

“Veronica? What are you doing in my room?”

No sooner had she sat up than JD appeared in the doorway. He looked over his shoulder before quickly shutting the door behind him. That seemed like a good sign, it meant he didn’t want his father to catch her at the very least.

“Trellis” Somehow looking at him and forming a coherent phrase was difficult, even in her uninhibited mental state. Wasn’t alcohol supposed to make you brave?

“You climbed my trellis?” he looked her quickly up and down “In heels?”

She just nodded, getting to her feet and brushing off her dress.

“How did you find my house?”

She hesitated for a second. “Lucky guess.” That didn’t give away too much. She wanted desperately to sound aloof and cool.

She stepped towards him, drinking him in. He had messy wet hair and was wearing worn sweats and a tee shirt. He must have just taken a shower. He looked fantastic.

“Heather Chandler is going to kill me.”

For an instant, before he answered, JD thought she genuinely feared for her life. Then he ruled it out, Veronica was the kind of girl who would take that to the cops. She must be speaking metaphorically. “What happened?”

“I wouldn’t go along with her bullshit and then I threw up on her shoes. She kicked me out of her evil lipstick gang.”

It took real effort not to laugh at that image. “What can I do to help?”

“I need to feel something right now, to block everything out. I saw your window and it just seemed like the perfect opportunity. I guess I`m here to seduce you or something.” She stepped a little closer.

It suddenly occurred to JD that Veronica seemed pretty drunk. “I see. I`m not sure if that’s a good idea, how much have you had to drink?” In all honesty he wasn’t sure he cared. Her lipstick was smeared and her hair was a mess. She was standing, in a tight little dress, in his bedroom. It took all his self-control not to just grab her, but he needed to try and do the right thing.

JD had a past, for sure. The whole new guy charm seemed to mean that there was always a girl throwing herself at him when he moved schools. That had been nice at first, but he was bored with it. Veronica had taken his breath away from the first moment he saw her. She was gorgeous but even with the Heathers she looked like she had done it on accident. Her eyes were soulful, they hinted at all the secrets and depths hiding behind them. He wanted her like he had never wanted anyone ever before.

“A few shots, the kind with the lime and salt, and a beer. I think. Maybe two beers?” She pursed her lips as she tried to recall for sure. “Really, enough to have climbed a trellis but not enough to not know what I’m asking you for.”

Based off the company she kept Veronica probably should have more sexual experience. In reality, she had next to none. A few make out sessions at parties or in cars were the full span of her sexual career. She wanted to have sex, she wasn’t innocent or prudish, she just had never wanted to have sex with someone in particular. Maybe she read too many novels, but it seemed like a waste to throw your clothes off and bone away when it didn’t mean anything at all. Where was the fun in that?

That was all he needed. JD closed the gap between them and pulled her to him. She tangled her fingers in his hair and kissed him hard. Hard enough that his bottom lip would be swollen in the morning, but he didn’t that mind at all. She stepped out of her shoes, kicking them behind her and out of the way. He found the buttons on her dress and slid it to the ground. When he finally broke for air she pulled his shirt over his head and set about attacking his neck. He made a noise that she had never heard before, leaning into her touch.

JD kicked of his pants and pulled her with him onto his bed. He ran his hands all along her back, feeling the softness of her skin. His fingertips were cool and she arched at his touch. He ran his nails lightly down her stomach. She let out a breathy little moan and kissed him again. 

“Pull my hair”

JD was startled by her request, she seemed like a pretty clean-cut girl to him. He had never guessed that sweet little Veronica Sawyer would be the rough sex type, but the tone in her voice kept him from hesitating for a moment. He grabbed her hair and yanked her head to one side. She let out a low moan, and he started to suck at her collarbones. With his free hand he unclasped the back of her bra. Veronica was almost overwhelmed by him. She ground her hips up into him, her fingers clinging to his shoulders. JD knew that he would have plenty of scratches and bruises the next morning.

He rolled off of her and reached towards his nightstand.

“What are you doing?”

“Condom.” This time JD was the one who could barely form words.

Veronica grabbed his shoulders and pushed him onto his back. “I`m on the pill” She said quickly, grabbing his hair and kissing him hard. She made quick work of their underwear and then climbed on top of him. JD thought his eyes were going to roll back in his head when she slid herself onto him. She set a frantic pace with her hips, JD held her waist tightly to keep her steady. Veronica took his left hand and put it back in her hair. She dug her nails into his chest as she rode him. When he gave her hair a hard tug her eyes went huge and he felt her cum.

JD finished only moments after her and Veronica collapsed against his chest. She sighed as he drew his blankets up over them and smoothed her hair away from her face. As she fell asleep she decided she wanted to see a lot more of him. Not just because of the sex, which was amazing, but because something about him felt unbelievably special.

Careful not to jostle her, JD stretched out one arm to shut off the radio on his nightstand. He watched her face as she dozed off. She looked angelic with her pouty and long fluttering lashes. He had never met a girl who could look so sweet and act so bold. He knew then that he would do anything to keep her around.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for some reason AO3 wouldn't keep my indentations when I pasted this in, so it might not be formatted exactly the same as the rest of the chapters. Sorry!


	2. Prarie Oyster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter leaves out some parts of this scene, because you all know what happens if you`re reading this, so we can focus on what JD and Veronica are feeling

Chapter 2

              Veronica awoke with a jolt and cried out. Her dream had been terrible. Apparently JD heard her and sat upright in bed.

              “Veronica, are you okay?”

              She shook her head, getting up to search for her clothes. “I have to get to Heather`s house.”

              “You do not. She made you cry last night. What could you possibly have to say to her?”

              Veronica knew he wouldn’t understand. From what he had said he moved on from schools too quickly to be affected by cliques and drama. “I have to apologize.”

              He watched her expression as she said it. He wanted to question her motives. He saw no reason for her to suck up to a girl she clearly feared. She was better off without her. Then a plan started to form. “Baby, wait, I’ll come with you.”

              She paused in the middle of clasping her bra. “Really?”

              “Yes really, you need backup. And a ride.” He kissed her forehead gently.

Veronica had never ridden a motorcycle before. She expected it to be a little bit scary. When JD put his helmet on her head and she was staring at his bike she seriously considered chickening out. Then he go on, revved his engine, and looked back at her?

“Coming gorgeous?”

“Oh! Uh, yeah.” Veronica tripped on her words a little.

She had to swallow her nervousness and get on. Once he was sure her arms were wrapped securely around her waist, he pulled out onto the street. Suddenly Veronica felt like she was flying. The wind whipped through her hair as JD drove. She loved holding him like this, with her face in the back of his shoulder inhaling his intoxicating cologne.

After a brisk ride on JD`s motorcycle they arrived at Heather Chandler`s house. It had a big front porch and wide windows with an overly manicured lawn. JD felt contempt for the house and the girl inside of it. They were both perfect models for the things about society that he couldn’t stand. Heather Chandler was every prom queen he had ever had the misfortune of meeting, and her home was the cover of every housekeeping magazine ever published.

              Veronica took a slow deep breathe, getting off the bike with JD close behind her. Having him with her made her feel so much better, so much safer. She held a finger to her lips as she used the spare key hidden under the mat to let them in.

              “Heather?” She called into the house.

              Heather Chandler`s voice echoed down the stairs. “Here to apologize?” she didn’t even wait for a response before she called again “bring me a prairie oyster.”

              JD clenched his fists. He wasn’t going to tolerate anyone talking to Veronica that way. He knew for sure that he needed to teacher Heather a lesson. Maybe he would break in and shave her head later tonight. That would work. Put laxatives in the drink when Veronica wasn’t looking maybe. When he saw how quickly Veronica started trying to make that damn drink he decided both sounded good.

              Veronica had no idea how to make a prairie oyster. She was pretty sure it was obvious, as she stared blankly into Heather`s refrigerator. When JD rattled off the ingredients she felt an immense sense of relief. She had known having him with her would make this better.

              “I should put phlegm in her drink” Veronica whispered

              JD laughed. “How about this?” He poured drain cleaner into a cup.

              Veronica shot him an exasperated look “Don’t be an asshole that stuff could kill her. Not to mention she would never drink something blue.”

              JD quickly transferred it into a mug. “How about now?” When Veronica rolled her eyes he smiled and pulled her in for a kiss.

              “Veronica!” Heather`s shrill voice came from upstairs.

              JD released Veronica, with great reluctance. Grabbing a mug off the counter she raced up the stairs. He looked at the mug remaining on the counter and realized Veronica had the wrong one. He considered telling her. Then he thought better of it. This was the perfect way to get rid of Heather. If he was careful he could convince Veronica it was a total accident, and she wouldn’t feel any guilt for it. She would be free forever.

              Veronica knew she would never forget the look on Heather`s face as she crashed to the ground. She looked to JD in shock, before she saw the line of blue liquid dripping from her mouth.

              “I got the wrong mug. JD, I gave her drain cleaner. I killed her.”

              He caught her against his chest. “It was an accident. It`s my fault for joking about it in the first place. Everything is going to be okay.”

              “No, no it won’t be. Everybody saw us fight last night. The cops won’t believe I killed her on accident. I’m going to jail JD.”

              He rubbed a comforting hand across her back. “I won’t let that happen. I know how to fix this. Just do everything I say. We need to make this look like a suicide, then slip out before her parents get home.”

              “I can do her handwriting, really well. I`ll forge a suicide note. I wrote a lot of her papers and did her homework for a while too, so if they try to analyze it they won’t be able to tell it wasn’t her. If it comes to that.” Veronica knew that what he suggested made sense. It was the only way to get themselves out of this, or at least the only one that she could imagine actually working long-term.

              JD was surprised how quickly Veronica agreed to his ruse. She stepped out of his arms to sit at Heather`s desk. She had more darkness in her than he had expected.

              “Write about her beauty and popularity.” He wanted her to warp the image Heather had worked so long to create, a final way of sticking it to her. “Say that they were a prison and that everything people think they know about her is wrong.”

              Veronica quickly wrote everything down, adding a tone that sounded like Heather. She looked up at JD for reassurance. He smiled at her and held out his hand. Feeling shaken by their morning, she let him lead her down the stairs and out the front door. She stood in silence while he locked the door and hid the key.

              “Come on Ronnie, let`s get you out of here,” he wrapped an arm around her waist and guided her to his motorcycle.


	3. Back to School

Chapter 3

              Veronica was shocked when she woke up the next morning. The morning after she killed her best friend. It was an accident but as far as the law was concerned she should be in jail. It was manslaughter at the very least. She didn’t feel as bad as she thought she was supposed to. Sure, she was upset, but more in a “I`ve created a major change I can never take back” sort of way than a “Geez I sure wish I hadn’t served Heather Chandler Drain-O” kind of way. She also had a terrible gnawing in the pit of her stomach. Some part of her thought that the second she stepped foot in Westerberg High someone would put all the pieces together. Even if it was an accident, the moment someone realized she had covered it up she would end up convicted for murder. JD along with her.

              As if she had spoken his name, she heard his bike pull into her driveway. She ran down the stairs and threw the door open for him. He smiled when he saw her waiting for him there.

              “Meet me upstairs!” She called before turning to go back to her room.

              JD could tell that she was a wreck as soon as saw her. The whole thing with Heather Chandler must be really getting to her. He had to find a way to make her relax. On the one hand, there was no way he wanted her girlfriend-at least he was pretty sure she was his girlfriend now- feeling so upset. On the other, they were both going to jail if Veronica couldn’t keep it together. If he could just get her through today they would be safe, probably.

              “Baby,” He stepped into her room with a smile, “You`re running late.”

              “I`m sorry,” She stood in the middle of the room still in her pajamas, “I`m just.. overthinking I guess.”

              He walked to her and wrapped her against his chest. “Veronica, listen to me. I know that Heather was your friend and I completely understand how broken up you are about this. I promise that everything will start to feel easier after today, the first day without her.” She sighed and he put a finger under her chin and tilted her head up to look into his eyes, “I promise you none of this is your fault, and that I will keep anything bad from happening.”

              She rose onto her tiptoes to give him a quick peck on the lips. “Thank you. I`m glad you’re here, I really am. I just don’t feel up to it. Can we stay in bed today, just the two of us? I can forge us absence notes and everything.”

              He was tempted. So tempted. He wanted absolutely nothing more than to keep Veronica in bed and help her forget what they had done, what he had done. JD knew that all of it was a dangerous idea, in spite of his desires. “That’s not a good idea. I want to, it sounds great. But Ronnie if we skip people will notice. The best thing to do today is not draw attention to ourselves. So please get dressed?” He kissed her forehead. “I love you, you can do this.”

              His words completely melted her. “I love you. Give me five minutes. And we`re taking my car.”

              The parking lot was an absolute disaster. Veronica parked as far from the door as possible, near where the un-coolest of the Freshman and the stoners usually ended up. She didn’t want to have to navigate through the swells of teens congregating by the front of the school.

              “Remember,” JD`s voice jarred her back to awareness, “I`m right here. It`s going to be fine. If you can`t handle it pretend to be sick and we`ll leave early.”

              “I love you.” She leaned over and kissed him firmly on the lips.

              She killed the ignition, tossed her keys into her bag, and hopped out of the car. She felt totally off balance. The car door slammed harder than she meant for it to. Before she could fully consider getting back in the car and going home, JD was at her side. He took her hand and guided her towards their school.

              _“Thank god for JD. If it weren’t for him I’d never have gotten myself here.”_

              JD was certain if he let go of her for even a moment she would crack under the pressure. In an ideal world he could watch her all day but that was impossible, they had no classes together. He had no idea what kind of damage she could do. Still, it was a lot less risky than skipping.

              _“Maybe if I push her too far right now and the whole school sees her cry we can call it hysterical grief and I can take her home…”_

              Before he could follow that train of thought any further the remaining Heathers appeared. They were, naturally, in the center of the crowd. The two seemed to be presiding over a sob fest and sharing stories about Heather Chandler. Heather McNamara looked like she had been crying all morning. Heathers Duke looked smug. As soon as they saw Veronica they pulled her into a tight embrace, breaking her grip on JD. He felt himself freeze.

              “It`s so good to see you. Are you ok?” Veronica`s mouth started moving before she could process the words she was saying. The Heathers tried to give reassuring words to her question but she barely heard them.

              “I just don’t know what to do. It`s never going to be the same, ever again. You guys didn’t ride to school with her. She isn’t telling me my top is white and my shoes are eggshell or something like that.” Veronica sounded like she was going to cry.

              JD felt panic rise in his chest. He thought this was it, the moment that she would give them away. To his relief the Heathers seemed touched by Veronica`s display. No one, at least no one who didn’t already know what happened, suspected Veronica was anything but a girl reeling from a loss. He watched her be guided towards first period by her two “friends” and smiled reassuringly when she glanced back at him.

Veronica was fuming by the end of the day. She practically stomped through the parking lot towards her car. JD was there waiting for her. He was leaning against the front fender taking long drags off a cigarette. Even the sight of her boyfriend wasn’t enough to calm her down.

“Give me the keys” JD caught her arm as she went to unlock the car.

She handed them over wordlessly. She was afraid that if she opened her mouth she would scream right now. The last thing they needed was to call that kind of attention to themselves. JD quickly unlocked the car and opened the passenger door for her. The fact that he planned on driving her car pissed her off a little, but she knew she wasn’t in any shape to drive right now.

Once she was in she put her head in her hands and angry tears started flowing.

“Baby, Veronica, what is it?” His voice was the softest she had ever heard it as he reached out to touch her hair.

“Today was such bullshit. Ms. Fleming was waving Heather`s note, the note I wrote, in all our faces. She kept saying how tragic and beautiful and all this nonsense. She thinks that we live in a dramatic novel or something.” Veronica sat up to look at him as she spoke.

“That was insensitive, I`m sorry” He lit a cigarette and handed it to her.

“That isn’t even why I`m upset. We all know Ms. Fleming is insensitive, I was prepared for that. It`s that people loved it! All the people who hated her think she was deep or a good person or something. We killed her, which she quite frankly deserved, and turned the mythic bitch of Westerberg into some saint.” She accepted the cigarette eagerly

“It sounds almost like you`re glad she`s gone.”

“Of course I`m glad,” Veronica spit back. Then her eyes went wide. She tipped her head back against the seat and let out a long breath. “JD does that make me a terrible person?”

“No baby,” he leaned in to plant a kiss on her damp cheek. Secretly, he loved hearing her say it. He thought the hidden darkness in Veronica was exciting. He had really underestimated her.


	4. Funerals and Cemeteries

Chapter 4

              Veronica hated the idea of riding a motorcycle to a funeral. Absolutely hated it. JD`s bike was supposed to be fun, a way of feeling the wind in her hair and cuddling close to her boyfriend. But no. Of course on today of all days he would insist that they were not taking her station wagon. She crushed a cigarette against the pavement with the heel of her shoe.

JD pulled up, looking like he was going to a picnic. Maybe it was the casual attitude and the smile he gave her. Maybe it was that he was wearing his trench coat, even over his black dress shirt. He definitely didn’t look like he was going to a funeral, much less for the girl they had killed. The fact that Heather Chandler would be enraged by his fashion sense was not lost on her, it was a little funny.

“Alright, let`s go. Might as well get this over with.” She carefully swung onto the bike behind him.

He chuckled, “The worst is over after today. Once she’s buried people ought to stop caring how she died.”

Veronica silently placed her head on the back of his shoulder. He rolled his eyes, then he revved his engine and pulled out.

The Chandlers hosted Heather`s funeral at the small church in town. As would be expected of Sherwood Ohio, it was a protestant church with brick walls and cramped pews. The inside smelled kind of like a grandmothers purse. It was the last place Heather would have wanted to spend her morning, when she was alive.

The whole town showed up to pay their respects to Heather Chandler. A large section of seats towards the front of the church had been reserved for Heather`s classmates. JD took Veronica by the elbow and guided her into the second row.

Heather Duke and Heather McNamara sat directly in front of them, they only gave Veronica small smiles. Even the lipstick squad knew better than to talk during a funeral. For what seemed like years the priest droned on and on about moral character. He held up Heather, the blowjob queen, as a sensitive young woman who was harmed by modern teens and their dangerous lifestyles. He scolded about drugs and alcohol as if Heather wasn’t a major source of it.

“Do you think he`s ever met her?” JD whispered.

Veronica nudged him with her knee, trying to tell him to stop. Secretly, she had to bite the inside of her cheek to stop a smile. It felt to awful to let him know that she found it funny to mock a dead girl.

One at a time the people in the church came forward to say their final words to Heather Chandler. Her family was followed by the students of Westerberg and family friends. Most stood silently with their eyes closed, addressing Heather in some form of prayer. JD and Veronica both found it a little funny, since they probably were the only ones who really had send-offs worth hiding.

JD was right in front of Veronica, which he was grateful for. He could wait beside her after he finished and then make sure she got out of the church without getting dragged into a conversation. He was protecting them, but he was also getting sick of the living Heathers separating them.

_“Well. You`re seriously wearing red lipstick? Guess whoever dressed you for this knew you pretty well. Once a party queen always a party queen.”_

Veronica looked anxiously at JD. He looked so much calmer than she felt. He must have been really prepared for this, ready to apologize to Heather and everything. Maybe she was the only one who felt guilty. That would make sense. After all, JD might be the one who got the Drain-O but Veronica was the one who liked that she had died. That made her the twisted one. When he stepped away from the casket he stayed close by her.

_“Heather. Oh, Heather. What have I done? Technically I did not kill you, I swear. It was an accident. Still, I really fucked up.”_

That was all she could manage. She couldn’t say she would miss her or any of the things she was sure she was meant to.

“Come on.” JD gently put a hand on her back and guided her out of the church. It was still crowded with Heather`s foolish admirers and it took nearly a whole minute to make it to the front steps.

Waiting beside the front door was Heather McNamara. Veronica stepped away from JD to talk to her. She had always been the kindest of the three Heathers and she was one of the few friends Veronica felt she still needed.

“Hey Veronica,” Heather gave a little smile, “I wanted to ask you something?”

“What is it?”

“Kurt and Ram asked us to meet them in the cemetery tonight, it’ll be totally chill I promise.”

Veronica glanced at JD out of the corner of her eye. “Alright, sure.” She didn’t actually love the idea but she didn’t want Heather to go alone. Maybe she would feel better after a few drinks and a night of acting like an idiot teenager.

“Thank you!” Heather practically bounced with delight, “Do you want a ride? We can stop by your house and get ready together if you want? I already have a change of clothes in my car.”

“Sounds very.”

JD furrowed his brow as he walked back to his bike without her. He trusted her, he knew she wouldn’t do anything stupid on purpose, but a night out with a Heather and those jocks... He didn’t like the sound of that.

The night was absolutely terrible. Getting ready with Heather had been fun, it felt like all the best parts of being a Heather. Kurt and Ram were another story entirely. They were already piss drunk by the time that Heather and Veronica made it to the cemetery. They immediately started wrestling one another, making offensive jokes, and generally getting on Veronica`s last nerve.

She was prepared to stick it through and vent about it all to JD tomorrow, at least for Heather`s sake. That was, until the guys started to get physical. Kurt started to try and kiss on her and tell her how hot she was. Ram popped up from behind her and started trying to feel her up.

That was it. Veronica wouldn’t stay another minute, not even for Heather. She hopped the fence near the woods and started to walk up to the road. It had been raining that morning and she splattered mud up her legs with every step. She was pretty sure there was a payphone near the church, it was only about a mile down the road and seemed like her best option.

Instead, she saw the silhouette of a young god at the roadside. He had a cigarette hanging out of the corner of his mouth and was running a hand through his hair.

“What the fuck?” he sounded like heaven to Veronica, even pissed off.

“It`s a long story.” She stepped towards him and he stretched out a hand to held her up the slope to where his bike was parked.

“Sorry, just feeling a little superior tonight.” He chuckled to himself.

Veronica didn’t care at all. She let him pull her to him and rewarded him with a deep kiss.

JD grinned at her. “Our love is God. Let`s go get a slushie.”


	5. Rumors

Chapter 5

              Veronica never looked better to him than she did sipping a cherry slushie. She raised a brow when she caught him staring. “What?”

              “Oh nothing. You`re just beautiful.”

              Veronica snorted. “Yeah that’s what I`ve heard.”

              Something about her tone sent JD a red flag. “Are you mad at me?”

              “Not at you, no.”

              “Then who?” by this point JD knew it was something to do with her “friends” but he wanted to wait and let her tell him. He needed to feel like she wanted to confide in him.

              “Kurt and Ram.”

              “And you heard that you`re beautiful from them? Should I be jealous?” He tried to laugh it off, but he could feel anger starting to heat his chest.

              “Not exactly.”

              JD grabbed her arm, harder than he meant to. “What did they do?”

              “Not a lot. They just got handsy. I’ll be fine, I’m just mad.” She took another sip of her drink. “Are you trying to break my wrist?”

              He let go of her immediately. “Shit, sorry. I`m just mad Ronnie, mad that they would treat you like that.”

              “Whatever. They`re assholes. Just take me home?”

              He was pretty sure that she was lying. She seemed antsy, like she was afraid he would call her on it. In that moment, JD didn’t care. Kurt and Ram would be dealt with eventually. Tonight was for Veronica.

              “Are your parents at home?”

              “Nope. They left early for some convention or something. You can stay over if you want.” Veronica smiled at him, looking just a little more at ease.

              The first thing Veronica thought the next morning was how lucky she was. JD was asleep with his arms still wrapped around her. He was gorgeous, which she loved. He was also there for her. She knew that he would sit with her at lunch, tell her horrible jokes, and generally keep her mind off the bullshit with Kurt and Ram.

              She was pretty sure the two of them had been so drunk last night that they wouldn’t remember what they had said or done. She was dead wrong.

              The first person that JD and Veronica saw when they walked into school was Courtney. She was a known gossip and Heather Chandler`s death had promoted her to second meanest girl in school.

              “So, how are Kurt and Ram?” She asked Veronica.

              Veronica thought it was an odd question. “Last I saw them they were drunk and flailing in mud. Why?”

              “Oh that’s not what I heard.” She giggled and walked away.

              JD suddenly hoped very much that they had disappeared or been mugged. Something that might teach them a lesson. The look of terror on Veronica`s face made him certain he would hurt them if not.

              “Did you hear about what Veronica Sawyer did last night?” the half whisper of a nearby freshman to his friend caught both of their attentions. “Apparently she had a three way with Kurt Kelley and Ram Sweeney.”

              “No way!”

              “Oh yeah. Ram told everyone all about it. He said they had a little swordfight in her mouth.” He made a vulgar hand gesture, and his friend burst out laughing.

              Veronica put a hand over her mouth and burst into tears.

               “Come with me.”

              JD took her hand and pulled her to the nearest supply closet. As soon as the door was shut Veronica slid to the floor and started to cry even harder.

              “I`m really sorry about the waterworks,” Veronica wiped at her eyes, smearing mascara along her cheeks.

              He sat down and wrapped his arms tightly around her. “You`re hurt. You have every reason to cry right now. Just go ahead and cry until you feel better, I’ll be right here.”

              Veronica felt a tear stream onto her forehead. “JD are you crying?”

              “A little. It just hurts me to see you like this. You don’t understand how alone I was, how hard it was, before I met you. You`ve completely changed me. I would do anything for you, I promise you won’t have to deal with things like this alone ever again.”

              Veronica wrapped her arms tightly around his waist. “We`re going to fix this, the two of us.”

              “I actually have an idea.”

              “I`m up for anything.”

              Right after school Veronica found herself calling Kurt Kelley. It felt pretty twisted, really, to be willingly talking to him. JD`s plan was what drive her on, he said he had the perfect way to humiliate Kurt and Ram. She was pretty sure she would go to extremes to knock them down a peg right now. He sounded just as surprised when he answered and realized who it was. All it took to convince him was the promise of sex, she could practically hear him drooling through the phone. He made her sick. She slammed the phone down when she hung up.

              “He said yes?” JD was looking at her expectantly.

              “Yes.”

              “Fantastic. So here`s the plan. We`re going to kill them.” He figured he could lay it out straight and see if she agreed before he deceived her.

              Veronica laughed and he felt hopeful, until she spoke. “You`re joking. We can`t do that.”

              “Of course baby. We`re going to pretend. Sort of. We`re using special bullets that I dug out of my grandfather’s WWII memorabilia. They`re a powerful tranquilizer but they break the skin, the Nazis used them to fake their own suicides.”

              “So we`re going to fake a suicide. Is it just to scare them? Might as well try to ruin their reputations too.”

              He loved how fast she got on board with this. He knew she would feel better after they were dead, she just couldn’t admit it to herself yet. “Way ahead of you. We`re going to make it look like a suicide pact. A homoerotic one.”

              “Oh come on JD, I have nothing against gay guys. Where`s the joke?”

              “You don’t, but they do. If the school thought they were gay those assholes would never be able to live it down. Just like with Heather, we make them what they hated most.”

              “Alright. I`m in, let`s do it.” She gave him a soft kiss. “Hand me my yearbook, I need to look at their signatures before I start.”

              _She`s really amazing. She could be my partner in crime, we can get rid of all the assholes in this town. Tomorrow Kurt and Ram. Maybe by next week I can convince her to go after Heather Duke. She`s the one who started that rumor, along with those jock assholes. She deserves to die._


	6. Our Love is God

Chapter 6

              “Veronica?”

              “Yes?” She was staring blankly at the piece of paper, trying to come up with the right words for the note.

              “Is there anything I can do?”

              “Help me with this note?”

              That wasn’t what he meant at all. JD could tell that Veronica was having a really hard time with what had happened last night, and at school this morning. He wanted to find a way to make her feel better. Getting the note finished was a start though.

              “I just don’t know how to string it all together in a way that sounds like a jock…” She wrinkled her nose. “I have the idea though. I`m going to talk about how the world was unforgiving, about the fear that their families would disown them. Not because they`re deep enough to care, I just think it works the best.”

              “Run with your vision baby, I`ll give it a masculine tone. We make a solid team.” He reached out to stroke her knee.

              The note practically wrote itself. Veronica said aloud what needed to come next and then wrote it the way JD said it back to her. After 10 minutes they had a note in Kurt`s handwriting signed by both boys.

              “Where did you learn forgery?”

              Veronica folded the note and sat it on her nightstand. “I never did it on purpose, I wasn’t trying to copy handwriting like this. I started off by tracing things out of books when I was really young. Like, as a way of practicing writing when I was first learning how. Then when I was a little older I would trace things out of books that I liked to read. Eventually I realized I was good at copying free-hand and it went from there. I used to use my powers for good.” She punctuated her last statement with a laugh.

              “Well you’re good at it. I`ve certainly never seen better.”

              “Have you done so many illicit things that you know a lot of other forgers?”

              JD scooted closer to her. “You think I do this often?” She nodded and he laughed. “Not at all. I`ve been in a fight or two, sure, but this is out of my depth.” He didn’t add that he had thought about it, or that his Dad was a violent man who he had learned things from by watching. She didn’t need to know. “Not to change the subject, but are you sure that you`re okay?”

              “No.”

              “What can I do?” JD spoke in a soft soothing way.

              “Kiss me?” Veronica said it like she was wincing, as if she thought it would make him angry.

              “Would that help?”

              “I think so. I just can’t stop thinking about Kurt and Ram trying to touch me, and what they said they did to me. I need to get it out of my head.” She looked at him with pleading eyes. “And I love you, and having you close to me makes me feel better.”

              He wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her gently, first on the forehead then on the lips. He wanted to help her, to make her feel safe and far removed from what had happened. Another part of him was jealous and angry. He wouldn’t say it to Veronica, he didn’t need her to be more afraid, but those guys could have done more. He had met guys like Kurt and Ram before and was no stranger to seeing them treat girls like shit. Veronica, his Veronica, could have become a date rape statistic. He needed to touch her to remind himself that she was safe and she was his.

              Veronica rolled onto her side in bed, pulling JD with her. She ran her fingers gently through his hair. His lips were the most tender she had ever felt them. Even a peck on the lips in the hall at school was usually firm, and if they kissed in her car someone nearly always came away with sore lips. The temptation to bite his plump lower lip was there, but she didn’t want to ruin what he clearly had intended to be a romantic kiss.

              A little while later they were just laying there and looking into each other’s eyes, it felt like the most natural thing in the world.

              “Our love is God.” JD smiled at her.

              “What does that mean?”

              “You`re everything to me. I would do anything to make you happy or keep you safe.”

              “Oh. Our love is God.”


	7. Iche Luge

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so this chapter does deal with death but it`s not very explicit about it so it shouldn't be an issue for anyone

Chapter 7

              Veronica parked the station wagon on a small road near the woods. Nobody would see it there, or at least it seemed unlikely. JD was in her passenger seat, holding the two guns and a bag of what he had called “gay paraphernalia” to plant at the scene. The suicide note was tucked in the front pocket of her sweater.

              “You ready?” JD asked her.

              “Yeah. Let`s go.” They had been running over their plan since the night before. Veronica was somewhere between excited and full of dread. She hadn’t gotten a wink of sleep, even though it was quickly approaching dawn.

              They stepped out of the car and moved as quietly as they could through the woods. When they were approaching the back of the school, where Veronica had told Kurt and Ram she would meet them, JD grabbed her elbow. He passed her one of the guns and pulled the notes out of her pocket.

              She nodded and came forward into the clearing without him. She knew he would be waiting just behind the trees for her signal. If all went well, Kurt and Ram would be laughingstocks by the lunch.

              “Hey Veronica” Kurt stepped into sight across from her, Ram at his side.

              “Morning boys.” She tried to sound sultry but was pretty sure it fell flat.

              Kurt and Ram were both eager to start to, Veronica had to quickly direct them to stand where they were. “Just strip for now. Then come over here when I count to three.” It was too easy to trick them, they would have done anything to get some ass.

              “One.”

              JD got his gun ready, adrenaline pumping through his veins.

              “Two.”

              He took a deep breath.

              “Three.”

              He jumped out from his hiding place and fired. Veronica fired at exactly the same time. Somehow only Ram was hit, and Kurt tried to run. JD chased after him, driving him back towards Veronica.

              “Ronnie! Get him!” He yelled when Kurt was back in position.

              Veronica shot him through the chest. She stared at JD and dropped the gun. “They`re dead. What have we done?”

              Before he could try to explain, try to win her over, they heard rustling in the woods. They might be discovered at any moment.

              “Veronica, run.”

              His tone scared her, almost as much as the thought of being found at a crime scene. She turned and took off towards the car.

              JD grabbed her gun, gave a quick glance around the clearing, and was right behind her. As she climbed into the car he grabbed her. “Trust me.”

              The look on her face was stunned, devoid of emotion. For now his only concern was protecting them. He pulled her into his lap in the passenger seat, closing the door. He tugged off both their shirts and started kissing her hard.

              “What are you doing?” She whispered

              “This is our alibi. Horny teenagers making out in the woods, nothing suspicious or dangerous here.”

              He immediately went back to feeling her up and sticking his tongue down her throat. Veronica was surprised how easily she melted into him. It should scare her, she thought, to feel this attracted to him right after a murder. She was definitely crazy.

              They heard a man walk up near the car and then back down into the woods. Veronica slid back to her seat as soon as it was quiet.

              “JD, could you see him?” She whispered

              “It was a cop. He barely looked at us.”

              Veronica felt a wave of relief, and let out a breath she hadn’t known she was holding.

              “Veronica. You have to drive.” JD`s voice was calm and insistent.

              She silently started the car. She drove them down the road to Westerberg High. Once in the parking lot she fell asleep, finally, crushed by the strain of their morning.

              About an hour later the sunlight started to shine in her face. She woke up feeling sick. The only thing she wanted right about now was for everything to go away. The next best thing would be a smoke. JD was still asleep beside her. Sticking out of his jacket pocket was a pack of cigarettes. When she reached for them he jerked awake, looking startled.

              “They`re dead.” Was the only thing Veronica could say.

              He handed her a cigarette. “Of course. You wanted them dead, you just couldn’t admit it to yourself.”

              Veronica pressed in the cigarette lighter. She pondered what he had said, for longer than she wished was necessary. She was pretty sure he was right. As she lit her cigarette she felt so overwhelmed by it, the fact that she was responsible for three deaths and only sort of felt bad, that she could have thrown up. Instead, she held the red hot lighter to the palm of her hand.

              _“I was so ready to go along with it that I didn’t even question how our plan was supposed to work. We never would have gotten away with it, they saw us, they knew that we lured them there on purpose. As soon as they came to they would have called the police and turned us in.”_

              JD yanked the lighter out of her hand and slammed it back into the dash. In a moment of anger and impulse he lit his cigarette off her hand. She screamed and shoved him.

              “What the fuck. What the fuck have we done?”

              “Calm down.” JD raised his voice at her, and it set her off even more.

              “I never wanted this!”

              “Oh yes you did!”

              “I did not!”

              “They deserved it!”

              “That doesn’t matter!”

              Their voices carried across the parking lot, now starting to fill with the students. A few heads turned to see what was going on, but other than that no one took notice. In comparison to the news that Kurt Kelley and Ram Sweeney had been found dead that morning, their little lovers spat seemed like nothing. That day it went unmentioned by even the most dedicated of gossips.


	8. Assembly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I blended together a lot of scenes that aren`t actually meant to be happening simultaneously, but it should still be super easy to follow

Chapter 8

              Ms. Fleming had finally lost it. She had managed to get the entire school into the gym to try to convince them to “feel and heal” or some nonsense like that.

              “Can we please leave?” Veronica nudged JD

              “Come on Ronnie where`s the fun in that?”

              She stepped on his foot. “I did not sit through another funeral this week just to listen to Ms. Fleming rehash these deaths.”

              He ignored her, as the woman in question began to speak.

              “Children, welcome.” She seemed not to notice, or care, that most people were barely paying attention. “I want you all to have a place to discuss your feelings. I know that losing three students so close together, all of whom were quite popular, has taken a toll. If we can learn anything from their suicides it is to release the secrets that can drive you to killing yourself. Heather Chandler would still be here if she had expressed her feelings of isolation, Kurt Kelley and Ram Sweeney would be here if they had faced coming out to us.”

              Veronica rolled her eyes. Even if those things were true, as soon as people found out they would have been ostracized. It`s better to carry a secret to your grave than let it be used to mock you each and every day. Which she thought she knew pretty well, blood on her hands and all.

              “Who will share? Anyone?”

              Veronica thought for a moment about stepping up and announcing her crimes. Not because she would, she had read enough crime novels to know what would happen if she confessed to manslaughter-murder?-like that. She just thought it would really ruin Ms. Fleming`s ridiculous assembly. She smirked to herself.

              “I can start, if that helps.” Like the well-meaning idiot she was Ms. Fleming proceeded to share personal information which was likely to circle among the students of Westerberg High until her retirement.

              To the shock of the assembled students, Heather McNamara was the next to volunteer. Veronica wondered if maybe she would make a joke of it. The look of sadness on Heather`s face quickly changed her mind.

              “I know that I`m pretty, and popular, but I feel scared. Like I don’t know if anyone will stand by me. It`s made me think about killing myself.”

              As Heather went on to express her suffering, Ms. Fleming practically beamed. The irony was not lost on JD. She clearly had no interest in the wellbeing of her students, only in her ability to get them to open up.

              Heather Duke saw this as an opportunity to officially seat herself as the Queen of Westerberg, using the same cruelty to retain control as her predecessor. “You`re pathetic!”

              Heather M flinched and stepped quickly away from the microphone.

              Heather D wasn’t going to let her get away that easily. “You think Westerberg isn’t a nice place? Where`s your school spirit?”

              Veronica couldn’t watch anymore. She shoved her way to the door and stepped into the hall. She found herself gasping for air.

              “Veronica.” JD was only a few steps behind her. “Are you alright?”

              Suddenly the only thing Veronica felt was anger, anger at all of their horrible decisions, and anger that he seemed to be doing just fine. “No! Of course I`m not okay!”

              He moved to try and touch her face and she jumped back from him.

              “Don’t touch me right now. This is our fault, we did this. Heather Chandler is gone and Heather Duke has taken her place. We replaced her with someone even worse. If the head cheerleader isn’t safe then who is?”

              “Come on, Heather didn’t have to stand up in front of everyone and tell them all that. Duke only did exactly what Chandler would have. If you`re that worried about her I can just take care of it for you.” He ran a hand through his hair, like this was any other conversation.

“No!” She shoved his chest “We are done. No more Bonnie and Clyde!”

“Are you serious?”

“Yes! I just want to be normal, I want for us to be a regular couple.”

“Where`s the fun in that?”

“Please. Can we just stop all this, right here right now. We can watch movies, and make brownies, and plan for prom. All the things that High School is supposed to be about. Please?” When she looked up into his face there were tears in the corners of her eyes.

JD would have do anything for her in that moment. “Yes, of course. I choose you above everything else. I love you. Whatever you need from me, I`ll do it.” She made it all sound like fun, the things he had always found frivolous about being young.

She pressed onto her tiptoes and kissed him.

              They were still holding each other close when the door to the gym was thrown open with a crash. They both turned to watch as Heather McNamara ran crying out of the gym and down the hall. She was in such a rush to get away that she didn’t even see that JD and Veronica were standing there.

              Veronica moved to follow her but JD grabbed her shoulder.

              “Let me go, I`m worried about Heather.” She shook of his hold on her and raced down the hall.

              She found Heather in the girl`s bathroom. “Heather?”

              She came into the room, walking past the stalls, to see Heather at the sink. Her left hand was filling an empty pill bottle at the tap.

              “Heather!” Veronica crossed the bathroom and grabbed her friend. She palmed her cheeks, making her spit all the pills onto the ground.

              “Leave me alone Veronica, suicide is a private thing.” Heather`s voice made it clear she had been crying.

              “No, it`s not. Trust me. Do you want the whole school pretending to know you better than they did? Or Ms. Fleming acting like she could have single-handedly saved you? I doubt it.”

              Heather laughed a little. “I guess not.”

              “Listen, I`m really glad that I know you. You`re a nice person. That’s part of why all this stuff upsets you so much. If you can just get through this year, you can leave Ohio and never look back. You can have a beautiful life Heather.”

              Heather pulled Veronica into a hug. “Thank you. For stopping me and for saying all that. Want to ditch?”

              “Oh absolutely. Let`s go buy some shoes.”


	9. Chaos

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one is short but it leads up to some bigger chapters

Chapter 9

              Veronica went straight to JDs after her shopping trip with Heather McNamara. They had taken a long time-Heather could never do short trips to the mall-so school was out and he had probably been home awhile. His motorcycle was parked in the driveway and his dad`s truck was nowhere in sight.

              _“Oh thank god. I can’t take any of Big Bud Dean`s bullshit right now.”_

              Veronica was pretty sure that a good girlfriend would try to get over her issues with her boyfriend`s father. However, Bud seemed to make that impossible. JD didn’t even like him, so it was probably ok to hate his guts. She parked the station wagon behind JDs bike and got out.

              JD must have heard her pull in because the door was open before she had the chance to knock.

              “Greetings and salutations.” He put a hand on her cheek and kissed her. “How was shopping?”

              “I don’t think I need to buy shoes again until after college.” Veronica had only gotten a few things but it was still an overload for her. “Heather in the mall is like a kid in a candy store.”

              He laughed and went to sit down on his couch. Talking about Heather reminded Veronica of their encounter in the hallway, and the way that he had grabbed her arm. “JD?” He looked up at her, “Why did you try to stop me earlier? Heather was in the bathroom trying to kill herself, if I hadn’t gone after her…”

She sat beside him and he took her hand in his. The gentleness of his touch made her think an apology was coming. Instead he said, “Would one more dead Heather be such a bad thing?”

“Yes! Yes, it would be such a bad thing!” She jerked her hand away from him. “You can`t be serious right now?”

“Ronnie relax.” He wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “I`m not going to kill Heather or Heather. Take a joke.”

She was sitting there, trying to get up the courage to leave. Well, no, not the courage. The desire. He had said it, admitted that he had the capacity to kill another Heather. They had already taken out three people, and JD had planned two of them. He was a murderer. There was something broken inside of him. She knew she should leave, it was the least a sane person would do. Yet she felt the tingling in her chest from the fact that he was touching her, and she couldn’t seem to pull away.

              She decided to voice her concerns, hoping that she could stop him. That everything could go back to the way that it was before. “This all just feels like absolute chaos. That stupid assembly, Heather Duke, Heather McNamara, you. All of it.”

              “Revel in it Veronica.” He stood up and moved to turn on the radio. “Chaos can be great. Chaos is what killed the dinosaurs darling.”

              “We`re not in control! We`re completely out of control. Everything is getting worse and worse, and I want it to be over. I`m serious JD, we`re done playing vigilante.”

              “So you admit there was some justice there?”

              “Stop that!” She wanted to tear her hair out at the way he could always talk her in circles.

JD grinned at her as the song changed on the radio. “Our song!” He said, jumping up to turn up the volume.

The song was Teenage Suicide. She watched him dance to it, totally carefree. He was trying to be funny, use triple homicide as a cute little inside joke. She knew that a few days ago she might even have found the whole thing funny. Before Kurt and Ram she would have laughed without question. Now she was pretty sure JD had come unhinged, and that he might kill the next person who bumped into her in the hallway.

“JD, stop it.”

Without missing a beat he pulled his gun from his pocket and fired it into the radio.

“Okay, that’s it. I`m done.” She got up to move past him but he caught her arm.

He leaned down and kissed her, holding her head with his other hand. “Come on Veronica, what’s wrong with you today?”

“What’s wrong with me? You’re the one carrying a gun.”

“People are dangerous, it’s always good to be prepared.”

“You`re the most dangerous thing in this town.” Veronica turned her head to avoid another kiss. “Just leave me alone.”

She yanked her arm out of his grip and strode down the driveway. She nearly knocked his father over in the doorway, Bud was on his way inside, but she didn’t even stop to apologize. She was already in her car and down the block when the tears started to flow.

_“Damn him. He`s dangerous, I can’t have him anywhere near me. So why am I crying? Why do I honestly still feel like I love him?”_


	10. Car Ride From Hell

Chapter 10

              “Things not so great with Jesse James?”

              Veronica knew that voice. She knew it but she didn’t trust it. It had to be a trick of her imagination. There was no way she was hearing Heather Chandler speak to her. She shot a glance at her passenger seat, just to remind herself that she was alone. Instead she caught sight of the ex-Demon Queen of Westerberg High.

              “Oh my god.” Veronica`s blood ran ice cold. “This isn’t real. I`ve finally snapped.”

              “Oh shut up.” Heather Chandler laughed at her. “I`m the least of your worries right now. Do you know what you’ve just unleashed on this town?”

              “Stop it. Leave me alone.” Veronica struggled to keep her eyes on the road.

              “I don’t think so. You just set loose a killer, knowing that you`re his moral compass. He could kill anyone now and you’d be too late to stop him.”

              “That`s not true, I`m not a better person, or some sort of moral guide. I`ve done terrible things too.”

              “I`ll say.” The voice of Ram from behind her head nearly knocked the wind out of her.

              “I remember you having a lot of fun using me for target practice, Veronica.” she wished she were less surprised to hear Kurt

              Wheezing in fear, Veronica turned on her emergency flashers and pulled onto the shoulder of the road.

              “Are you here for revenge or something?”

              Heather Chandler practically cackled. “No, you’ve watched too many ridiculous scary movies. We`re here because your guilt is eating away at you. Because you’re a murderer.”

              Veronica turned to look at Heather and her stomach turned. She was still in the robe from the morning she died, with the edges of her lips stained blue. Her hair was pulled up securely by her red scrunchie.

              “I don’t know how to fix this.”

              “I`d love to not be dead, but you can’t undo that.” Kurt addressed her again.

              When she turned to face him Veronica was horrified. He and Ram were both in their underwear and streaked with blood and mud. She could see their bullet wounds. They both had leaves and dirt tangled up in their hair.

              “I`m sorry.”

              “You think that fixes anything?” Ram answered this time

              “Boys focus.” Heather cut in. “We have news for you.”

              “Please, tell me and go away.”

              “Martha Dunstock tried to kill herself last night. You and JD have set a suicide rate that will decimate this town long after your killing spree ends.” Heather seemed to get some sick pleasure in telling her.

              For an instant Veronica wondered how what she had thought was a figment of her imagination was giving her new information. That was overtaken by an even stronger wave of guilt. She couldn’t even blame Heather, Kurt, and Ram and their bullying. She had killed the prom queen and made suicide look glamorous, with a note that made Heather a saint as the cherry on top.

              “Is she alive?” her voice shook

              “Yes. Just another example of a nobody trying to imitate the popular kids and failing miserably.”

              “Shut up Heather!”

              Kurt and Ram were eerily silent in the back seat.

              “Really? You think that I’m the bad one, that this is all my fault?” Heather didn’t wait for confirmation before she kept speaking. “Let me tell you something Veronica Sawyer, you are ten times the bitch that I ever was. I was mean, sure, but you’re a killer. If anybody finds out what you did you’ll spend the rest of your life in prison. If not, you get to know that you killed three people before your eighteenth birthday, and freed your homicidal boyfriend to do even worse.”

              “That guy`s a monster.” Kurt said as Ram nodded in agreement.

              “Stop it. All of you. Get out of my car.” Veronica took deep breaths, trying to pull herself together. She needed to get home. If she just ignored them then maybe Heather, Kurt, and Ram would leave. She turned her emergency flashers off and pulled back onto the road.

              “Driving while crazy, you can get a ticket for that right?” Ram asked Kurt. Veronica didn’t have to look back at them to know they shared a fist bump after.

              She drove in silence, feeling the weight of their eyes on her, the rest of the way home. Getting out of her car in the driveway she was certain they were still behind her. There was no way they were going to just vanish.

              Her mother was standing in the front entrance of their home, blocking the stairs.

              “Honey, can we talk?”

              “Not now Mom.” The last thing Veronica wanted was for her parents to realize that she was losing it.

              “This is important. Your friend JD stopped by.”

              Veronica felt terror build in her chest.

              “This should be fun.” Heather whispered.

              “What did he have to say?” Veronica tried her best to keep her voice level.

              “He told us how worried he was about you. That you had been having thoughts of suicide. He even brought us your copy of Moby Dick.” Her mother sounded near tears, she was clearly very worried. She handed the book to Veronica.

              She opened it to find that it was annotated. Heavily annotated. He must have been planning this.. Did he always know he would kill her if she left him?

              “He really knows your handwriting.” Heather sounded gleeful.

              “He`s gonna kill you.” Kurt and Ram whispered into her other ear.

              “Mom, I have to go. I have homework.” She pushed past her mother and raced up the stairs towards her room.

              Her heart was pounding in her chest. She knew that he was going to come for her. The book was her warning, and how he would cover his tracks. He was going to kill her. Her feet had never moved faster. She made it to her room and slammed the door behind her in less than thirty seconds, but it felt like an eternity.


	11. JD

Chapter 11

              JD had always considered himself an organized guy. He like to have an escape route and a backup plan at all times. When he started taking out his classmates that definitely didn’t change. He had been setting things in motion, just in case. Having a plan for if he and Veronica were caught was his biggest concern.

              He had spent the last week annotating a copy of Moby Dick in her handwriting. He made sure it was very doom and gloom. Which wasn’t too hard, because they were both pretty doom and gloom. He knew that it would fool her parents and classmates if they were ever to find it. His plan was to fake their deaths and escape if they were going to be found out. The book would take the place of a suicide note, because his girlfriend was a lot deeper than one note. Even fake dead Veronica deserved a better death than Heather Chandler. The book was just the start of that plan though, it was fairly lengthy. Veronica would leave the book with a note for her parents, telling them not to look for her. Naturally they would look for her anyways, and they would find her. An anonymous but terrified call to the local police would report that Veronica`s station wagon was abandoned in the woods. The car would be unlocked and left near the river that ran through the back of town. At the side of the river they would find Veronica`s cell phone, wiped except for a call history that showed her dialing suicide help lines. Her shoes and jacket would be found floating in the river. There would be no body, but everyone would come to the conclusion that she had drowned herself.

              Of course, Veronica didn’t know anything about it. There had been no need to frighten her with an escape plan that might never have been necessary. Which made it all too easy to amend the plan.

              He was furious when she left his house. Angry enough to be cruel to her. Angry enough to threaten her, to scare her. He wasn’t going to kill her, or he didn’t think so, he was just going to let her think he might.

              He snatched the book off his desk and shoved it into his jacket. Beneath it was a petition, passed around by Heather Duke, with a blank first page. He would take that too. Veronica could see the power that they had, and surely that would be enough to change her mind.

              He got on his motorcycle and drove speedily towards Veronica`s house. His plan would only work if she wasn’t home yet, so he prayed she had stopped for gas or at a friend`s house. It was just starting to get dark when he pulled in and Veronica`s car was nowhere in sight.

              He put on his best boy next door face and rung the bell. Her parents, looking suburban and bland, opened the door. “Mr. and Mrs. Sawyer?”

              “Yes?” Her mother answered, “can we help you.”

              “I go to school with Veronica. I need to tell you something important.”

              “I see.” Her father frowned and gestured for JD to step inside.

              When the door was shit behind them JD continued. “I can’t really stay, I just am so worried about Veronica and I thought you should know right away.”

              “Is she alright?” Her mother wrung her hands.

              “Physically,  yes. But I think she’s depressed. She left her copy of Moby Dick at my house, I wasn’t trying to pry but I looked at it and…” he trailed off for dramatic effect and pulled it out of his pocket, handing it over.

              Her mother let out a gasp when she flipped through the pages.

              “Ma`am, I just wanted to tell you, I’m afraid that she might kill herself. I have to go, I`m already going to be late for dinner. Just please keep an eye on her.” He wasn’t late for dinner, he hadn`t eaten with his father on purpose in years. He just needed to be gone before Veronica got back.

              The Sawyers felt shocked as they let JD out. They stood staring at each other.

              “Veronica will be alright. She`s a smart girl. I can talk to her about this when she gets home.” Her mother insisted. It was meant to comfort her more than her husband.

              “I`m sure she will honey.” Mr. Sawyer decided the best thing for his wife would be a change of subject. “Do you think that’s the boy she’s going to prom with?”

              “I hope so, he seems like a very nice young man.”


	12. Meant to be Yours

Chapter 12

              JD stood behind Veronica`s house smoking a cigarette. He gazed up at her bedroom window, waiting to see her light flick on.

              Veronica took deep breaths trying desperately to calm herself down. Maybe, if she was lucky, it was a prank or something. Maybe he was just mad.

              “Unlikely.” Heather Chandler was still at her shoulder.

              _“I just need to make a plan. I need to talk to him. Or I could run for it. No, that’s crazy. He could really hurt people if I ran. That or he`d finally snap completely and chase me down.”_

She turned on the light, hoping to get a look around. He might have been here already. There could be a message for her.

              “Here he comes.” Ram was at her right.

              “Too late to run Veronica” Heather whispered in a way that made shivers run up Veronica`s spine. Then all three of them, her ex-classmates, vanished.

              The only option, or the only one she saw in that moment, was to hide. Even if she was caught quickly it would give her the chance to make a better plan. All she wanted was to be a few steps ahead of JD. She stepped into her closet and shut the door behind her as quietly as she could.

              Exactly as Ram had predicted, the sound of her window opening came as soon as she was hidden. JD`s feet hit her floor with a quiet thud. “Sorry for coming in the window, dreadful etiquette I know.” He laughed at his own joke.

              Veronica wasn’t going to laugh. She wasn’t going to say anything to him. At least until she had a chance to figure out what to do next. She would be totally silent and hope he didn’t find her.

              He twisted the handle to her closet and chuckled when it was locked. “Veronica, can you please open the door?”

              She put a hand over her mouth to silence a scream and looked frantically around. She knew with absolute certainty that she was not going to open that door.

              He waited a moment, giving her the chance to answer before he spoke again. “I don`t want to fight anymore. I know that all of this is scary for you, I`m a little scared too. Just don’t shut me out. We belong together, none of this makes any sense if we aren’t together.”

              She thought about it. She didn’t want to open the door, she knew it was a terrible idea, but she wished she could just talk to him about this. Even terrified as she was his voice calmed her. She loved this maniac, and she was probably just as twisted as he was.

              “Veronica, just open the door. I know we fought earlier, and I came here thinking I might have to kill you and all, but all is forgiven baby. I love you.”

              That admission, the fact that he actually had planned on killing her, ended all of it for her. She needed to trick him, to get him away from her. It didn’t matter that she loved JD she needed him out of her life. The sight of her sheets on top of her hamper caught her eye, and she formed a plan at high speed.

              “Don’t make me come in there.”

              She was standing on her hamper and securing the sheets around her waist. She was rushing, praying her knots would hold.

              “One.”

              She got her jacket buttoned over the sheet and was slipping the noose over her head.

              “Two.”

              She shut her eyes tight and trued to be absolutely still.

              “Fuck it!”

              She heard a gunshot, and then felt light streaming into the closet.

_“Please, please just give up and go.”_

              “Oh my god. Veronica. No…” JD`s voice sounded broken and helpless. “Why would you do this? Veronica? Please, don’t do this to me. Don’t leave me alone.”

              Her heart bled, listening to him as he started to cry.

              “I loved you.”

              JD walked out of the closet, leaving the girl he loved still hanging. He wanted, more than anything, to take her down from that grotesque pose but he knew it would make her parents suspicious. He pulled the petition out of his pocket and set it on the desk. He spoke out loud as he planned, trying to process his grief and his rage.

               “There isn’t a world for me now. I can’t go on without you. There isn’t anyone else I can trust.”

              Veronica heard him speak to her, as if she were a ghost standing before him, and all she could think of was the kind of loss JD had experienced. He was still a little boy with a dead mother somewhere deep down. It made her want to help him, but she knew it was impossible.

              “If I die, I’m taking all of Westerberg with me.”

              Veronica found that once again JD`s charms had hidden his dark intentions. She had bought into the illusion. She listened in horror as he explained his suicide pact idea and read his note aloud as he wrote it.

              “Heather Duke`s handwriting makes the most sense, don’t you think? Luckily I`ve been practicing that one. This was supposed to be a prank or a gift for you, a peace offering. We could’ve made it a petition to get your favorite band to play our prom. But this might be even more fun”

              He picked up the petition and Veronica`s diary off the desk, tucked them into his pocket, and was gone.

              When Veronica heard the window close she untied herself and dropped to the floor in anguish.

              “Veronica! I brought you a snack.” Her mother called up the stairs.

              She met her at the door, accepting the plate with a smile. She was too distracted to even know what it was. All she could think about was the fact that JD had gone totally psychotic, and she was the only one who could stop him.


	13. The Boiler Room

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> JD is awful in this chapter. Absolutely movie-JD level creepy and awful.

Chapter 13

              Veronica got in her station wagon and tore towards the school. Their annual pep rally was that morning, and she knew that was where JD would strike. He clearly wanted to try to take out their entire school at once. She was pretty sure that she knew how too. They had once watched a video with his father, who explained how putting a bomb in the bottom floor of a building could cave the building into itself effectively. Veronica had been bored out of her mind, and creeped out by Bud`s relish of the subject, but if she remembered that much she knew JD must know even more.

              She parked her car in the back of the lot, far from where JD liked to park his motorcycle. When she saw that he had already parked and was already inside she rushed to the side door. Opening the door she bumped almost directly into Ms. Fleming.

              “Veronica!” she gasped and her face went pale “JD just told me that you killed yourself last night.”

              “Well, he`s clearly wrong.”

              She had no time to entertain Ms. Fleming or pretend to find her commentary helpful. She just pushed past her and ducked into the stairwell. It was crowded with people headed to the pep rally, which she was grateful for. Hiding in a group would make it a lot easier to get to JD unseen. If she had the element of surprise she might just be able to stop him.

              She slipped her hand into her pocket, feeling the gun she had hidden there. She didn’t love the idea of shooting JD, especially with his own gun, but she was willing to do whatever it took.

              _“I guess I should feel lucky that he left this in my car…”_

              She needed to get to the boiler room. It was the only place she could think of that would work for his plan. If she was wrong, they were all going to die very soon. She followed the swelling crowds towards the gym. The boiler room was directly below it, if she could just blend in until the last possible moment she might have a shot.

              When the crowd reached the front door of the gym she ran for it. Two doors down was the door to the service stairs leading to the boiler room. It should have been locked, but was slightly ajar. It reassured Veronica that she was right. JD had to be inside.

              She took a deep breath and moved as quietly as she could into the door. She drew her gun from her pocket and held it out, scanning for danger. As she moved down each of the concrete steps she felt more and more sure that JD would appear before her. She was right. As she turned on the landing of the stairs she saw him faced away from her, prying open the door to the boiler room itself.

              She pointed her gun right at him, and descended with a greater sense of urgency. “JD.”

              “You`re alive.” He was nonchalant, a little too comfortable, as he ran a hand through his hair. “God damn.” He was a little in awe of her.

              “Put the bomb down.”

              JD gestured to the bomb, which was already on the ground, with a smirk. 

              “Shut up. I knew that.” Veronica was trying not to lose her nerve, she had come too far to stop now. “Just put your hands on your head.”

              JD paused for a moment, and saw right through her. He slapped the gun out of her hands and grabbed her head, spinning her so that her back was against the wall. “Give up?”

              “No.”

              He slammed her head against his knee, and Veronica fell into darkness.

              It was only a few moments later that she came to. Her head was pounding like it might explode, but she knew she had to keep going. She crawled through the doorway, and saw him crouched over his bomb. He was facing away from her. She hoped he would think she was still unconscious, she just needed to surprise him.

              _“Actually surprise didn’t work out well last time. But I think it’s all I have at the moment. Especially since he took my gun.”_

              She grabbed the only thing she could lift, the fire extinguisher, and crept up behind him. When he started to stand Veronica clubbed him in the shoulder with it. It was enough to knock the gun out of his hand and send him sprawling to the ground. He caught Veronica as he fell, dragging her with him.

              She tried to stretch out of his grasp and get her hands on the gun before he could. As soon as he realized what she was doing JD grabbed her, trying to pin her. He was stronger than her but Veronica wasn’t going to relent. She struggled, she knew it was more important than anything that she get that gun. Looking into his face as he held her down, she considered spitting at him. JD was apparently having very different thoughts. He kissed her, hard enough that she tasted blood.

              _“I hate him. I hate that I`m here trying to keep him from killing us all. I hate that he just kissed me minutes after physically attacking me. I hate that a part of me is still attracted to him.”_

              He dragged her to her feet, and slammed her into a row of pipes. Looking into her face he kissed her again. She grabbed the collar of his jacket, out of pure habit, and then took the only opening that she saw. She kneed him in the crotch as hard as she could. It made him fall back and cry out in pain.

              Veronica ran, racing to the spot where the gun had fallen. By the time JD was standing again she had the gun pointed at his chest.

              “Are you going to shoot me?” He sounded like he was mocking her.

              “I swear to god JD. If you don’t stop this right now, I`ll kill you.”

              “Are you telling me, or you?” He took a step towards her. “You can’t do it. You barely had it in you to kill Kurt, and you hated him. You love me.”

              “Fuck you!” She closed her eyes and pulled the trigger.

              JD screamed. When she opened her eyes she could see blood seeping through his jeans. She had shot him in the hip.

“What the fuck Veronica?” He sounded genuinely surprised.

              “How do I turn off the bomb?” She kept the gun trained on him, praying that he would give up before she had to shoot him again.

              “You don’t want to do that.” He pressed a hand to his hip, which was now sticky with blood. “Yeah, we`ll be killing the whole school. But this could be a good thing. We can teach the world that their society is poisonous, that our school self-destructed all because of them.”

              “You`re crazy.”

              “Maybe it’s just because nobody loves me.” The tone he used sounded like a mockery of every therapist he had ever seen. It made her skin crawl.

              She clenched her jaw. Right now she didn’t care that JD had a dead mom and an asshole dad, if she had to kill him she really would. “JD. You stop all of this now or I will shoot you in the fucking head.”

              “You don’t have the guts.”

              He glared at her in silent defiance. She had no choice. She fired again. He dropped backwards, clutching his chest. He had called her bluff, she couldn’t shoot the boy she loved in the head. But he was still and moaning, and would probably die soon anyways.

              “Tell me how to stop the bomb.”

              “No.”

              Veronica knew she didn’t have the time to fight him, and that he would rather die than tell her. She was running out of time. She had to get the bomb out of the school.

              She grabbed JDs pocket knife, which had fallen during their scuffle, and cut the tape supporting the bomb free. She tucked it under her jacket and ran for the door. She was in such a hurry that she didn’t even realize that she had left the gun laying on the floor of the boiler room.


	14. The Bomb

Chapter 14

                             Veronica raced out of the school. Luckily everyone was in the gym, even her teachers, so no one was there to see her covered in blood carrying a suspicious object. She didn’t need anything else to slow her down, least of all that. She tore down the back steps, nearly tripping in the process. She had her sights set on the football field. It should be isolated enough that the blast wouldn’t hurt anyone.

              “Playing hero are we?” Heather Chandler appeared in front of her.

              “Leave me alone!”

              This time she did. She vanished as Veronica ran through the place where she had been standing. Veronica didn’t have the time to deal with her mind games. She was about to die.

              _“I don’t even have the time to write my own suicide note.”_

The bomb had fifteen seconds left when she sat in the center of the football field. Not a lot of time to think about her life, even if it had only been a short one.

              _“This is kind of funny. I kill the quarterback and the linebacker, then blow up the football field. Good luck next season Westerberg.”_

14

              She closed her eyes, fighting the urge to scream or cry. This was it. She had killed four people and it was her turn to die. She needed to accept it with grace.

              “Maybe we`ll all get to go to heaven, if there is such a place. Maybe Kurt and Ram and Heather will get to become better people there. Maybe JD will get to see his mom.”

13

              “Veronica.”

              Her eyes flew open, to see JD standing directly in front of her. He was holding her gun, and pointing it at her.

12

              “Came to kill me yourself?” she spit at him, leaving her shock that he was alive for another time. Not that she had another time to look forward to, she thought bitterly.

              “Listen to me.”

11

              “Why should I?”

              “You don’t have time for anything else. Just listen.”

10

              “Set the bomb down, and back way.”

              “What?”

              “Now!”

9

              The knowledge that she would have died either way abandoned her. She was not going to let JD shoot her. She stood and took a step back, leaving the bomb.

8

              “Run! Veronica, run!”

              She took another tentative step, trying to decide if she was willing to turn her back on JD. The she realized that the gun was still pointing at her. Was he going to kill her anyways.

7

She turned and ran as fast as she could. She didn’t look back until she reached the bleachers outside of the field.          

3

              She watched JD disappear into the woods behind the field. That was typical. For him to create a situation, in this case he literally created  the bomb sitting a few yards away, then disappear when it started to look bad.

2

_“What an asshole.”_

1

              The football field was suddenly torn apart by the bomb. Veronica lit a cigarette and walked towards her car, hoping to escape before people came outside to see what was wrong. After the terror of facing JD the explosion itself was underwhelming, she didn’t even bother to look back at it.

              The next day at school was torture. Veronica had “gone home sick” the day before, with a well forged note to prove it, so everyone insisted on telling her all about the explosion. She had to feign shock and fear over JDs bomb what felt like a hundred times before she even made it to second period.

              Ms. Fleming greeted her class with a more reserved expression than Veronica had ever seen. At first it excited her. Maybe she had finally been reprimanded for using suicide notes as fodder for her endless rants? None of her students would regret it if she was banned from interfering with their emotions and personal lives.

              “Take your seats please everyone.”

              The students looked at one another in confusion. What news was she about to drop?

              “I know we have all been preoccupied with the explosion that occurred yesterday.”

              _“Shit. They caught JD, that must be it, they’ll find out that I was his accomplice. I`m going to jail.”_

              “But I have even more important, and sad, news for you all. We have lost another one of our students. The police found Jason Dean`s motorcycle and some of his belongings beside the river last night. With his things they found a suicide note. His body has not been recovered, but they believe that he drowned himself.”

              Her classmates gasped and many glanced over at her. It was pretty common knowledge that she and JD had been going out. She wouldn’t be shocked if she was regularly questioned from now on about why he had done it and whatever else she might know.

              “I have copies of his note.” She waved them over her head, like they weren’t the last words of a dead man, like they were concert tickets or a funny comic.

              The whole class received a copy. Veronica felt a sense of irony, this was the first suicide note to be passed around this class that she hadn’t written. Still, she might as well have killed JD so the sense of anxious guilt felt pretty similar.

_“I am tired. Tired of moving all the time, and of never feeling like anyone wants me around. I know that I am not always kind and that I have made mistakes, I am far too damaged to continue on this way. I have secrets, I know we all do. Those stay with me. I just hope that death can turn me into someone kinder, more hopeful than I was. Until we meet again. -JD”_

              He was talking to her. He wanted her to know that he was angry at her, that he blamed her for all of it. Veronica found herself overcome. Still clutching her paper, she got out of her seat and walked blindly into the hallway.

              _“He`s dead. He`s gone, and I’m the only one who knows what happened. I`m alone.”_

And then she fainted, hitting her already bruised face on the linoleum floor.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so he`s alive ! That`s it that`s the alternate ending. This is absolutely going to be the first part of a series, so comment please and let me know what you think and what kind of things you`d like to see in the next part.


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